Jarvis

Since I skipped church this morning to ramble down GA400, I figured I best spend a little bit of the time in reflection. Sometimes the topic of the day comes so quickly that I can almost hear God saying "I thought you'd never ask." Today Jarvis filled my heart and mind, as well as his niece - who has had a huge impact on my desire to raise awareness. I'll call his niece "Jill" for the purpose of this sharing.

Jill and I met at Emory and met for lunch so she could share her story with me. She told me about her uncle, who she adored but had not really talked with him about his HIV-positive status. She described Jarvis as someone who has never felt true love but enjoys Luther Vandross and believed God put angels on earth. This 1000 mile journey idea tweaked curiosity within her - and here's where her journey took her, in Jill's words:

"I've started this email a million times since the AIDS awareness program at St. Mark. I was really impressed by the wealth of knowledge at the meeting from both the presenter as well as some audience members. However, what the doctor who was sitting at the back table said (I’m sorry, I didn't get her name) left an indelible impression upon me. She gave a very accurate account of the mis-education, ignorance and the stigmatization that surrounds HIV/AIDS and its many victims in the African American community.

When I left the program that night I called my uncle Jarvis to tell him about it. He was impressed and happy to hear about people who are actively trying to make a difference in the lives of the suffering and in the lives of the ones who are destined to suffer from this disease, and I'm not just speaking about HIV/AIDS. I'm also talking about the disease of selective ignorance. On that night I learned just how much I subscribed to this human failing. I don't mind telling you that I have never felt more saddened and ashamed in my life. My uncle told me things that night that he has never told me and has yet to tell many in our family, although I'm quite sure my grandmother, mother and aunts must have figured out more than the little bit he has told them.

My uncle told me that he was glad that I am actively seeking knowledge about his illness instead of continuing to hide my head in the sand as I had been doing. You see, in my family, even though we knew my uncle was sick we didn't overly dwell on his illness. We pretty much acted as well as treated him as if what he had was a little more than a common cold. To us, it was an illness we knew would never go away. But it was one that, until we were forced to, we really didn't have to "deal with". To us, it was more of a mind over matter kind of thing and we really didn't talk about it too much and we didn't want to know all of the bad things that possibly lay ahead for my uncle (selective ignorance). My uncle knew that this was our way of "coping" so he didn't intrude. He also didn't bother to be totally honest with us and he didn't bother to share himself with us. He kept a lot of things to himself and only told us what he thought we could handle. It broke my heart to hear him tell me this and it devastated me to know that it is true. That night, my uncle said to me"now that you truly want to know and seem to be more concerned about what I'm going through I can be honest with you". He told me that he contracted HIV in 1994 and that he has been living with full-blown AIDS for the last four months. He only told us about it five years ago and led us to believe that that was when he contracted HIV. He said he never told us about what was really going on with him because he knew that we really didn't want to know. As a testament to this statement, he told me that he has been in and out of the hospital with various ailments from renal failure to heart problems and no one besides my grandparents, aunts and mother knew about it. At my uncle's request, they kept it to themselves. He also said they never asked him anything beyond the basics of what was going on with him health wise. He said that they just tell him that "everything is going to be alright and God will pull him through".

I knew that some days he wouldn't be feeling well but I had no idea of just how bad it was. When I would call to talk with him my grandparents would just tell me "today is not one of his good days" and wouldn't give him the phone. I am so sorry but I had no idea. My uncle told me that he is facing his mortality and that he is ready. He told me that he is preparing so that my grandparents will be okay. I absolutely hated having this conversation with my uncle but I hate even more the many conversations I would not allow him to have with me before. This is truly devastating.

I don't know if any of this is what you were looking for in the way of stories of how HIV/AIDS is affecting lives. But I can tell you that my brief interaction with you has changed mine. Thanks for helping to facilitate the open communication I was able to have with my uncle before it was too late. I don't know how much time we have left with him but I thank God that the time will be quality."

To Jill, I would say "Because of you, Jarvis has felt true love now." God bless you both.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xm4wAmsGyN0