Just Show UP

In one more week, I will fly to Burlington, VT to start the last leg of my 2012 journey for AIDS. It's hard to believe it's finally time and I'm looking forward to having a week to cycle through the beautiful New England states. The group will be much smaller than in California - maybe 80 compared to 2,250 riders, but the impact will still be there. I look forward to meeting new friends who share my passion for finding an AIDS vaccine. But the realist in me recognizes that my conditioning is nowhere near where it was when I left for California and I'm going to have to manage that in order to make it 415 miles.

Last week, I wrote about caregivers - those brave and loving souls who take those long journeys through both darkness and light - simply because they truly care an

d love someone. Some of you have been in that role and some of you, like me, may wonder how you'd do if ever faced with that challenge. One priceless piece of advice I have been taught by Carol is to "just show up" and I have grown to realize how important that is.

Last week was a difficult week. On Wednesday morning, I received an email from one of my favorite colleagues saying he was leaving Emory because he has been given 18-20 months to live. I have watched the beautiful witness of Troy Evans take care of his dying and our beloved Saint Mark family member, Carlos Dixon, walk that final hospice journey. On Friday evening, I learned another friend has stage 3 cancer. This week I have gasped for air, felt tears and gotten totally ticked off from witnessing all this.

I'm not ready for any of this. My body is not really ready to ride 415 miles. My heart is not ready to watch 2 friends take the final journey on earth. My head is not willing to accept yet that I have a good friend with stage 3 cancer and now fighting to live. But there's one part of me - my spirit - that I can always count on. In that space, I'm not alone. I am connected to you - who have and will encourage me. I'm connected to my God who loves me no matter what. And from my faith, I'm connected with the "Communion of Saints" of those who have already moved on from earth - Samuel, Clay, Scott, Mike, Ben, Marcus, Rob, Ron, Tim, David, Davin, Marc, Stan, Rod, Gray, Rick, Forrey, Dr Franke. 

So while there's a part of me that would like to run away from all of this, there's a bigger part of me that says "Just show up." And I will. Whatever it is that you may be dealing with today - I hope you will, too.

Off to pack!